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Everyone has the intention to make a new year better than the last, especially if the last year was particularly hard. Well our family has that intention too. I have been so desperate for hope this last year ( or three), that on a number of occasions I have solicited help from psychics. Two, who I highly respect. I have also kept my ear to the ground, books, radio, t.v. and any source of info. hoping to get a good dose of hope. Hope goes a long way to get you through awful todays. Well, the overwhelming consensus has been that with the new year comes new insight and new direction- toward a happier time for my girls and actually, way more positive energy world wide. That's enough to give anyone hope, right? That is what I have clung to, I admit, on some of the very worst days this past year. It is a good thing that a year ago I did not know that I would have a whole year to wait for some relief.
Well, it has been about six weeks, maybe seven and the change in my daughter, Leah, seems to be holding. I know that she is far from happy with herself but has found a place of acceptance for now, knowing that she is in recovery and that this is a process. She has and is learning so much about herself through all of her suffering. I have learned so many life lessons right along with her.
I have noticed so often that during the most difficult times, there is humor and love and I remember those times and appreciate them when going through them. I know it is hard to understand how one can appreciate such uncomfortable times, but the love that we have for one another allows us to go through the tough stuff with a bit of grace and humor if we allow the moments to come. I guess it happens when we surrender to those moments, knowing we cannot really change things, so just go with it at that moment. I see this every time I am with my mom and grandmother. Their relationship is often difficult for my mom, as caretaker. She sometimes has little patience, and my grandmother can be difficult. But they love each other and there is so much trust that they do have some laughs in the thick of it.
Leah says she is strong enough to help her sister. We will see. Her sister is tough when it comes to moving out of her disorder. She has been residing at her level of the illness for so long that I am sure with each passing year it is harder to give it up. Sally talks the talk but does not walk the walk. That is way anorexia is. I pray that some day she will choose to be free of it, so we can all be free of it.
As long as one chooses to suffer from any addiction in the family, all suffer from it, no matter what the addiction.
So, as it is a new year and one that is shifting into the positive cosmically, we can at least here on Jan. 2 be optimistic that 2011 is going to be a better year for us all. As I said, we shall see.....
Be well.
Bonnie
