In Great Hope of a Joyful Year Ahead

In the beginning of 2011, I was hopeful that the year would bring lots of positive changes.  Often the worse things go the less I write, so I did not contribute earlier this year.  If there are people following this blog, I let you down and I am sorry.  Now, at the end of this year, there have been big changes and in the most positive directions in three years.  My dear Leah is ready at last to get on with living her life. She has let go of much of the shame and regret she has been holding onto since she first developed the eating disorder.  It was a huge year of deep work and at last it's paying off for her.  I feel that though she will still likely have occasional set backs, she will keep moving forward.  The changes for her have taken place in baby steps in some cases as she has begun trusting in herself once again.
Since September I have been studying a Life Coaching program. I decided to do this course of work as a way to heal myself from the pain of the past and to make some sense of all that has occurred in our family. I believe that I can do this by helping other people learn to better cope with events like this and to live better lives in spite of difficult circumstances.  What has been interesting is that since I began taking this class my daughter has become obviously better. One big reason for me starting the class was to help my brain focus on something other than the constant worry I had become accustom to.  This focus on fear was not helping anyone, and in retrospect I believe that on the energy level my way of dealing was probably giving Leah signals that she was not and could not do well.  Almost immediately upon me taking my life in a different direction I noticed the shift in Leah as well.  Hummmmmm.
I cannot begin to tell you how much I am learning.  All of the ideas make complete sense to me and though it is seemingly obvious how we "should" live our lives, it is far easier to cave into the fear and do brain circles instead of shifting our thoughts and so our moods and actions. So, I am very ready to share. If you are reading this and would like to have a free half hour of coaching by me to try it out I would love to practice what I am learning.  It could help both of us!  Please contact my email:
bonnieo1958@aol.com        And for now,  "May you be well, may you be happy, may you be free of suffering."  (from an old Tibetan meditation prayer)    : ) Bonnie

Happy New Year and new positivity!

Everyone has the intention to make a new year better than the last, especially if the last year was particularly hard.  Well our family has that intention too.  I have been so desperate for hope this last year ( or three), that on a number of occasions I have solicited help from psychics.  Two, who I highly respect.  I have also kept my ear to the ground, books, radio, t.v. and any source of info. hoping to get a good dose of hope.  Hope goes a long way to get you through awful todays.  Well, the overwhelming consensus has been that with the new year comes new insight and new direction- toward a happier time for my girls and actually, way more positive energy world wide.  That's enough to give anyone hope, right? That is what I have clung to, I admit, on some of the very worst days this past year.  It is a good thing that a year ago I did not know that I would have a whole year to wait for some relief.
Well, it has been about six weeks, maybe seven and the change in my daughter, Leah, seems to be holding. I know that she is far from happy with herself but has found a place of acceptance for now, knowing that she is in recovery and that this is a process.  She has and is learning so much about herself through all of her suffering. I have learned so many life lessons right along with her.
I have noticed so often that during the most difficult times, there is humor and love and I remember those times and appreciate them when going through them. I know it is hard to understand how one can appreciate such uncomfortable times, but the love that we have for one another allows us to go through the tough stuff with a bit of grace and humor if we allow the moments to come.  I guess it happens when we surrender to those moments, knowing we cannot really change things,  so just go with it at that moment.   I see this every time I am with my mom and grandmother.  Their relationship is often difficult for my mom, as caretaker.  She sometimes has little patience, and my grandmother can be difficult.  But they love each other and there is so much trust that they do have some laughs in the thick of it.
Leah says she is strong enough to help her sister. We will see.  Her sister is tough when it comes to moving out of her disorder.  She has been residing at her level of the illness for so long that I am sure with each passing year it is harder to give it up.  Sally talks the talk but does not walk the walk. That is way anorexia is.  I pray that some day she will choose to be free of it, so we can all be free of it.
As long as one chooses to suffer from any addiction in the family, all suffer from it, no matter what the addiction.
So, as it is a new year and one that is shifting into the positive cosmically, we can at least here on Jan. 2 be optimistic that 2011 is going to be a better year for us all.  As I said, we shall see.....
Be well.

Bonnie